Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
