She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
