Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
