If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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