you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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