he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
