I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
