no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
