Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
