we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
MIDGETS
????
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
