I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
