my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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