i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
