Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
