i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
