Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think a kid would responsible me up
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
