Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
