His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
