As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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