So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
