take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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