if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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