Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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