You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
