well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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