i think my tv is drunk
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
