on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
