dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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