I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
