Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
