You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
