Buhtt sex?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
