I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
