There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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