My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
