By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
