I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
