he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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