I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
