I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
