You just made me feel so damn special
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
