You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
