I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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