I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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