I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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