What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
