it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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