just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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