I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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