i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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