We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
