Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
