I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
