I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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